^-^

Hello, blog.

Sorry for the lack of updates. Again, I had no Internet.

I hate not having proper Internet. Instead, I have to use a 3 Broadband Wireless dongle type of thing. And, to use the Internet, I have to top up every now and then. I usually top up £10 every 5 days - and that's a lot of money. It's basically just like topping up your phone, really.

I hate using it. Mainly because I can't do as much when using it. Like, I can't watch videos, and that's what irritates me the most, because I feel left out when everyone is seeing the new videos from bands, really. And some music TV stations, like Scuzz for example, don't show the new videos for like a month, so frustrating!

Oh, well. I'll have proper Internet soon, just waiting on the father to sort everything out, really.

Oh. And as I type this, it appears that my wireless dongle has disconnected again, so I'm basically writing this without any Internet connection - lovely! Must remember to re-connect it before I publish this post.

So, I haven't really been up to much. I made a new Tumblr (http://waitandfuckingbleed.tumblr.com), and yet again, I am addicted. It's actually hard to get away from Tumblr nowadays, and to be quite honest, I'm absolutely fine with that.

I've also been thinking a lot recently. Main thinking topic being what I'm going to do now that I'm not at college. And I have come down to a conclusion - I am going to apply for a new college and study childcare. This is going to be -really- difficult considering that I haven't got my results page thingy anymore, and I'll need that to enrol, but hopefully I'll be able to sort that out soon!

Other than that, I haven't really done much. I really need to get out more...

PS: My Internet re-connected itself, clever wee thing.

New Year's Resolutions.

So. This blog is going to be about New Years Resolutions.

I came up with several New Years Resolutions for 2011, two have already been broken, but hey! There was no way that I'd probably be able to complete them all, eh? So, lets list what they were!

• Meet Corey Taylor again -- Right, well, anyone who knows me well enough would know how much this man means to me. I've already met him, and that was quite easily the best day of my life. But, looking back on it, I have grown to hate myself more and more. Why? Because I didn't say what I've always wanted to tell him. Yeah, I've DM'd him numerous time, thanking him and all, but that's not the same as saying it to his face, so as a conclusion, my New Year's Resolution is to meet him again, and thank him.

• See Slipknot live -- Well, Slipknot have been announced as the headliner for Sonisphere, and I am -dying- to go. At the moment, there's a 90% chance that I won't be going, and to be honest, that is a real shit feeling. I have it stuck in my head that this will be their last UK performance, because I personally don't see them doing a worldwide tour and/or creating a new album. And, ever since I became a fan of them, I've always wanted to see them live, so yeah, I want this one to come true, real bad.

• Blog everyday -- Well, this resolution didn't work out, because I had no Internet for a few days, so yeah.

• Learn not to care about what people think about me -- This resolution also didn't work, because due to past events that occurred this year, people's words have still hurt me, so yeah.

I have many other resolutions, but I don't consider them as proper resolutions, more a to-do list in 2011.

What are your New Years resolutions, and have you achieved/broken any of them? :)

La-dee-da.

All this talk of blogging over a very entertaining MSN conversation, occurring at 7am, has got me in the mood to blog once again.

I didn't manage to complete one of my New Year Resolutions, which was to blog everyday. I actually haven't blogged properly for a numerous amount of days, so yeah, there's that resolution out of the window.

I'm actually going to blog properly from now on, and talk about main topics occurring around the world and what not, so watch out for a blog approaching here soon... yeah.

.-.

I just want to re-live 19th October so bad.

I want to tell my hero how much he means to me. I feel like a complete idiot everyday because I didn't say anything to him. Well, I did, but it was nothing.

Yeah, obviously I was just... shocked because my hero was stood right in front of me, but I just wish I could've said something more.

Ugh.

/upsetkayisupset.

This hurts.

Hurts more than you can ever imagine.

I can't even explain what I'm feeling, because to be quite honest, I'm confused, too. But, I'm hurting inside. I just -don't- get it.

Why do I feel this way. Why, why, why. >.<

This hurts.

The one thing that truly destroys and devastates me is when I see my best friend upset and broken.

When somebody hurts me, I usually get hurt, but I usually can cope with it, and that's because I know I have my true friends out there. But when my best friend is that way, I feel broken. My heart shatters and I start to feel like the worst friend in the world.

The main thing that I want in life more than anything is for my best friend to be happy. I know that it's going to take a lot of work considering the condition he's currently in, but I know that one day, he will be okay. And the day when he's happy, is when I'll be happy, because I've learnt that knowing that he's not well, and that he's not happy, well, it makes me feel like crap personally, and it worries me, and yeah, I just feel like shit. And I know that the both of us are fed up of feeling that way. We both want to be happy more than anything. And one day, that will happen.

I'm going to work my hardest to make him happy. I'm not going to let him doubt himself any more, because there is absolutely nothing wrong with him. He's the bestest friend I've personally ever had. He's been there for me through thick and thin, just like I've been there for him. Never will an amazing guy like him doubt himself. Never.

I don't know if he'll read this, but I just want him to know that I'll never, ever, leave his side. He's never going to lose me as a friend, because I care. He is a part of me now, and I don't care how pathetic that sounds. I'm speaking the truth. He is my best friend, and I love him so much.

/blog over.

Fourth of January, Twenty-Eleven.

Lol. What an eventful day today has been then, eh?

I finally managed to buy my games. I almost wasn't allowed to fucking buy Final Fantasy because it's apparently rated 21, when in fact, it's rated 16. And I'm 16. Lol. Better luck next time, stupid Argos worker.

So. I also got Animal Crossing. FUCK YEAH. I love that game so fucking much. Judge me. I don't care. XD

Anyway. I can't really be bothered blogging tonight. But I'm gonna say one thing: If you're going to bother fucking doubting my relationship, go ahead, whatever. At the end of the day, you're wrong. You're not gonna affect my relationship, and if you're going to insult my fucking boyfriend, at least get to know him first, aye? Fucking cunt.

Bye.

Morning Sadness. ouo

These are too addictive. Srsly.
------------------------------------------

Okay, rules:

1. Put your music library on shuffle.

2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG TITLE DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!

1) IF SOMEONE SAYS, "IS THIS OKAY," YOU SAY?

Hard To See - Five Finger Death Punch. 

2) WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?

Please Don't Go - Basshunter.

3) WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GIRL/BOY?

Kill the Rock - Mindless Self Indulgence.

4) HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?

This Is How I Disappear - My Chemical Romance.

5) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?

Hell Yeah - Rev Theory. 8D

6) WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?

Bubbles - Biffy Clyro.

7) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?

We Are Broken - Paramore. \:

8) WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?

Weightless - All Time Low.

9) WHAT IS 2+2?

M.I.A - Avenged Sevenfold.

10) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?

Hot in the Dolls House - My Passion. 8D

11) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

Mama - My Chemical Romance.

12) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?

Get Fucked Stud - Biffy Clyro.

13) WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?

If You Run - You Me At Six.

14) WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

Let The Flames Begin - Paramore.

15) WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?

Breaking Their Hold - Avenged Sevenfold.

16) WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?

Last to Know - Bullet For My Valentine.

17) WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?

The Black Parade is Dead! - My Chemical Romance. [Lol, how relevant..]

18) WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?

 ...To Be Loved - Papa Roach.

19) WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?

Hero - Skillet. 8D

20) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS

By the Way - Red Hot Chili Peppers.

21) WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?

 Morning Sadness - Madina Lake. ouo

Third of January, Twenty-Eleven.

Happy third day of 2011!

I haven't really had what you'd call an eventful day. All it really consisted of was tidying, tweeting, more tidying, and more tweeting. Really.

I actually have no idea what to blog about. x_x Hmm.

Actually. One thing I've found out today is how self-centred people can be. Well, I noticed that people can get beyond pathetic with that a few days ago, but today, it has shocked me. How could anybody think that somebody doesn't like them, when said somebody helped them when their friendship went down low? Urgh. Pathetic.

I don't actually know what I'm doing tomorrow. I think I'm taking my Mum to the doctors tomorrow instead of taking her today. My Dad was going to drive us to the hospital this morning, but time flew by and before any of knew it, it was time for Mum to go to work, so yeah... *shrugs*.

Hopefully tomorrow after visiting hospital, I can -finally- get my games. Fingers fucking crossed, dude.

I think I'm going to do a survey now, yeah. Survey timez.

Ciao for nao.

Lol. Fuck.

I miss you. I miss you. I fucking miss you.


Forgot to add that I have to take my Mum to the hospital tomorrow. I'm actually dreading it.

Roughly six years ago, my Mum got hit by a car. Her injuries were a broken collarbone and a blood clot in her left leg. The broken collarbone repaired itself in 6 weeks, and the blood clot taken about 2 months. Six years on, my Mum weirdly started getting pains in her leg again. She discovered that it had swollen up and that she had a lump there. It faded away in two weeks but has since come back. She's finding it completely hard to walk now, yet she continuously says she's okay. I have to take her to the hospital to make sure she's fine, and make sure she gets some anti-biotic's to help cure it. It'd be a lie if I said I wasn't petrified.

I'm trying to not think of the worst right now, but that is extremely difficult. I'm scared that the so-called 'blood clot' in her leg is actually a lump. A lump that signals that you have Cancer. I'm hoping, and actually praying, even though I haven't got a religion, that it's not that. I just want my Mum to be okay.

She's already at high risk of dying. If this is a blood clot, it could easily explode by walking about a lot. And that's difficult for my Mum, because she's a barmaid, she has to walk around a lot. And if that blood clot explodes, all the blood would travel up to my Mum's heart, and she'll more than likely have a heart attack and die, and I don't want to experience that when we're all so young.

Just please, if anybody is out there, please just make sure that my Mum is okay. Please.

She doesn't deserve this. 




Anyway. Back to reading with Brian. ♡

2nd of January, Twenty-Eleven.

Good evening, blogging world.

What an eventful day today has been, really. I managed to get drunk again last night. I didn't intend to, I just got a wee bit addicted to drinking that WKD, lmao. So, I played against my Mum and brother at bowling on the Wii, managed to slam the control into my brother's head, fell over several times, hit the gutter millions of times, yet still managed to beat them. I am beast at bowling.

I fell asleep in a weird position, too. My head and chest on the sofa, and the rest of my body on the floor. Yeah. Weird.

Anyway. I woke up this morning (duh) and went Morrison's with the father. Food shopping sux, by the way. And that was uninteresting. >__> Anyway. Then we went out to watch the Old Firm game, and like usual, my bhoys beat the scum! Fucking suck on that you Rangers. :D

I then came home and tweeted, like I do every other day. OH. And I ordered Final Fantasy XIII and Animal Crossing. >:D Fuck yaaaas.

On another note- I feel like a shitty, useless friend right now. My friend, Brian, is suffering from depression as I type this, and as you read this. He hasn't been in the best of ways recently, and I just want to help him out so bad. I know I'm probably incapable of making him non-depressed, but I don't know... I feel like I ain't enough to make him happy now. I just want him to smile. .__.

Lol. How pathetic do I sound.

Okay. I lied. >:D

Survey time~
------------------------------------------------

Have you slept next to the last person you kissed?
Urm. No.

Can you recall the last time you sincerely liked someone?
Yeah. ^-^

Do you want someone dead?
Never in my life will I wish death upon someone and mean it.

Seven months ago, can you remember who you liked?
Yeah.

What did you have for breakfast?
Nothing, actually. 

What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Playing on the Wii~
Are you looking forward to anything?
Hmm. My Chemical Romance.

Is there someone who you can spend every minute with and be happy?
Yeah. Actually, there are several people.

Do you believe that there are certain circumstances where cheating is ok?
Not at all.

Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now?
I hope that I'll still be in the same one, yes.

How do you feel right now?
Tired.

Met any new people this year?
It's only the first day of the year, dude~!

Is there someone you wish you were still close with?
Hmm. Yeah.

Is it possible to be single and happy?
Of course.

What were you doing last night at midnight?
I was wishing a Happy New Year to my best friend, and celebrating it with my Dad and brother.

How do you feel about your hair right now?
I desperately want it cut. And dyed.

Do you like hugs?
Love them. But I don't get them often.

Do you have any piercings?
Ears and the right side of my lip.

Do you believe that everyone has a soul-mate?
Half and half.

Are you cold, warm or just alright?
Warm, thanks to my laptop. 
Has anyone ever drunk called/texted you?
Yes. xD

Name two of your favorite colours:
Purple and black~

What hoodie did you wear last?
Urm. My green and grey one. I think.

Do you want to get married?
Yeah.

Do you sleep on your stomach?
No.

Do you think anyone has feelings for you?
I hope that certain somebody does...

Last message recieved, who, when?
Laura, roughly an hour ago.

Last call recieved, who, when?
Dad, about 5 hours ago.

What’s the next movie you’ll watch in theaters?
No idea. I rarely go to the cinema.
Other than yourself, who was the last person that took a picture of you?
My Dad, I think.
You just drank 52 shots, what would you be doing?
I would probably be passed out.

Can things possibly get better?
Yeah, I guess. I want my best friend to get through this. <3

What is the last thing you said aloud?
Um. "Ross, why are you making so much noise for!?" x'D

Have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with B?
Nope~.

Is there someone you want to see?
Yes, so book me travel to Scotland so I can see them.

Are you “with” the very last person you kissed? 
No.

Who last text you?
Laura, like mentioned before.

What did it say?
"They've sent the email apparently."

What did you say back to your last text?
Um. "Oh. I ain't online atm x".. I lied. 8D
How long have you had your current cell phone?
A few months.

Was 2010 a good year?
Kind of.

Do you think 2011 will top 2010?
Well, it started off better than previous years, so I guess so!

Are you a jeans and t-shirt type of person or do you prefer to dress up?Jeans and t-shirt person, for sure.

Do you have any jewelery on?
The necklace I received from my Gran last Christmas.
Are you able to grab your cell phone without moving from where you are now?
Yes.

What flavor ice cream did you last have?
I can't even remember, to be honest...

Is your hair short, medium or Long?
Long. Very long.

Ready for ACTUAL never-been-asked questions?
Yeah, sure, go ahead.
If a guy/girl put their jacket on a puddle for you, would you actually walk on it?
:'] No, I'd feel guilty.
Do you ignore people when you’re mad/upset with them?
I tend to, yeah. Only until I calm down.

Do you know anyone that you wish could change but know they cant?
Hah, yes.

Is it easy to make people smile?
Kind of, I guess. Depends.

Speaking of which, when was the last time you smiled?
Just now, actually. x]

Do you have anything you want to say to someone?
Yes.

Are you listening to anything right now?
No.

Is the last person you hugged older than you? Who?
Yeah, and it was my mother.

Last person you were on the phone with for more than 10 minutes?
Hmm. I can't remember.

Where did you get the shirt you are wearing?
I can't remember.

So, what do you want for your birthday?
A netbook. >:D

Are you sarcastic?
Nooooo shit. 8D

Do you have a secret that less than 3 people know about?
Yeah.

Last movie you watched?
Meh. Can't remember.
Missing anyone at this exact moment?
Yes.

Do you have anything you really want to say to someone, but you just can’t?
Yes.

Are you nice to everyone?
Too nice.

Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?
No.

Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?
No.

What’s the last thing you drank?
WKD.

Is tomorrow gonna be a good day?
Hope so.